Horoscopes for Barflies

This astrological insight is written by Mr. Snuggles and the advice appears in the magazine La Cuadra which is published by my really fucking smart mescal-making-and-drinking buddies in Antigua. The mag is a wonderful mix of history, political and cultural commentary, unadulterated irreverence, and drunken humor...and Michael Tallon's writing always moves me (more on this soon). But for now, at the risk of being sued for copyright infringement, I give you my faves from the latest issue:

Aquarius:
We just figured we'd be the first to tell you that the cool new Chinese character tattoo you got does not mean "strength." Idiot!
(I am an Aquarius and have decided to avoid Chinese character tattoos!)

Taurus:
After a night of wild partying, you'll finally find a safe place to lay your head. On the reassuring, cool and piss stained linoleum of your bathroom floor.
(My ex is a Taurus...hmm)

Scorpio:
Don't believe what inspirational speakers tell you. Your dreams suck. Follow someone else's.
(Hmm....food for thought!)

Leo:
There are times in your life when it seems like everything is possible - true love, compassion, chocolate covered mittens, giant buildings shaped like lava lamps. Remember, during these times you are very very stoned.

I am sure some will find these little bits of wisdom puerile, but then, such folks are probably not barflies. And they probably don't know Mr. Snuggles. I think they are hilarious...and I read them sober.